30 Days
No Remarks |I’ve set a goal of 30 days to move out. I’ve had enough!
If I can get 2 more days at the bar or make at least $200 in tips on the 2 nights I do work I will be okay to move out because that will be $400 a week and $1600 a month. I can’t take anymore of the nonsense here!
I’m tired of feeling like the “outcast” and being picked on. I do not like living in a situation where I feel like everyone is against me and has formed their own cliche. Sometimes they even act like I don’t even exist. Or I receive comments from my Mom with negative energy input into them like she’s trying to draw me into and argument with her and when I refuse to respond then here she goes. It’s like a no win situation. I haven’t done anything to anyone and no matter how much I try I’m still the one that get’s picked on about every little thing. These people act so nasty towards me without any given reason. I come to the library to get peace even if it’s for a few hours because I’m tired of the hostile enviroment.
Home is supposed to be a place to retire from all the chaos that you run into while your out. Your suppose to find peace at home. Home is supposed to be the place that you can relax, wind down, and be at peace. It’s not suppose to be like this. Anytime I lived on my own [without Jeremy], I had peace at home. My son’s can be a handful, but they don’t ever cause me to feel uneasy.
I’m making it my business to be out of this hell hole by December!
Argghhhh!!!
No Remarks |My life has been going through the changes lately. Somethings good and others not so great. At this point I’ve been trying to keep my focus on the positive things in my life because that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes I just look at my son’s and smile. My son’s are what I draw my joy from… they are everything to me because they are so innocent and special and I have unconditional love for them. Even after the storm my sons will always be there and that’s what it’s all about: THEM.
This morning I woke up irritated to the fact that my Mom was complaining about my case worker calling and saying Jea’neene and I have to go downtown. She kept saying if it wasn’t for me asking for cash assistance then we wouldn’t have to go. As I overheard this I thought to myself. What the FUCK does that have to do with Jea’neene? That is my fucking business! I have bills that need to be paid and I do need money so I can buy things that I need! I need a winter coat and so does my sons! We need clothes and boots, etc. I don’t have no one paying my car note or cell phone bill in fact I can’t even use anyones car to go to work so I have to find my own way! Then my Mom wants to argue with me because she doesn’t agree with me bartending. I don’t care how anyone feels about what I’m doing. This is my decision and I’m doing it for my sons so we can have something. Do you see why I moved over a thousand miles away???!!!
About 15 minutes later my sister storms downstairs complaining about her cell phone being off and how they owe Verizon $316. My mom gives her the money and tells her that she’s just going to have to pay the car note (to the car Jea’neene drives) late. She then complains about how she’s not going to put her name on anyone elses stuff and complains about how Jea’neene doesn’t help pay the car note. I just looked at the whole situation in total disgust. About 4 years ago my mom wouldn’t even help me out when I needed a car and I had a son to look after, plus I had the means to pay the car note, but she told me no and told Jea’neene yes about a year later. Ask yourself this question:
“Is there something wrong with this picture I’ve just painted you?”
I don’t even give a damn no more! It is what it is. It’s not going to ever change and like always I will have to do everything for myself. I’ve accepted the fact that they will always be unfair assholes so I won’t even stress about it anymore. I will have to get my own car on my own, my own cell phone on my own, and my own place on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again!
I Want to Move out!!!
No Remarks |I really can’t wait until I move out. My Dad is such an asshole and he shows favortism for Jean’neene like it’s nobody’s buisiness. Tell me why her 24 year-old boyfriend whom got her pregnant can come over and sit and eat and watch TV, but my boyfriend isn’t even allowed the yard?
Yesterday we threw a party for my Mom where I footed the grocery bill and My boyfriend brought Jea’neene’s boyfriend over. Why can he come in and eat MY food, but my boyfriend can’t?
Me and my baby had to stay outside for the rest of the night just to spend time with each other. Now is that unfair or what? Even my big brother agrees. My boyfriend has a daughter so it’s like my Dad holds that against him. I have 3 son’s so why is that an issue? I’d rather have someone with children because then than can understand what it’s like to have one as to having a person whom has no clue or patience.
Then Jea’neene ended up taking her boyfriend home and my Dad acts like that’s my fault because he was waiting on my boyfriend to take him home. That has nothing to do with me for one and of her wasn’t such a complete asshole we would’ve been in the house and knew when he was ready to leave. Also my sister runs her mouth so much about shit she doesn’t know about that it makes the situation worse when all she does is go and have sex with her boyfriend. Atleast me and my baby can hang out and not have to have sex! We actually have a relationship. They’re just sex partners and now that she is pregnant I guess she got what she want because she hasn’t been over there fucking him ever since she found out, but I’m the one being treated like the step-child!
I can not wait until I move out again.
Thanks A lot
One Remark |Well thanks to my sister I won’t be working at Fitworks. I told her yesterday afternoon that I had a second interview at Fitworks at 2pm. I then asked her if she could take me. She said she could. Today around 12:50 my sister left claiming she was going to get some pictures for my aunt from CVS. I started getting dressed and I was ready to leave at 1:15 because it takes about 30 minutes to get there in lunch hour traffic. Of coarse she didn’t come back and my Mom tried to take me around 1:30pm, but she was driving extremly slow like time wasn’t an issue and 2:00 came and I was still in the car with my Mom 20 minutes away from Fitworks.
I really feel like my family cares more about what my siblings have to do than for me. They make excuses for them and when I was angry about my sister doing me wrong my mom had the nerve to call me selfish! The whole time she could’ve took me, but taking Malcolm t work was more important to my Mom and he didn’t have to be to work until 4pm.
My sister drives around in a almost new cobalt while my Mom pays the carnote coming and going as she pleases, but when people asks her to do things she has all these complaints and she acts just down right ungrateful. I never had it that easy. I always had to do things for myself. My brother gets a ride to and from work, school, and football practice, but all I asked was to be taken to my interview thats all! If she couldn’t take me or didn’t want to she could’ve told me last yesterday when I asked and then I could’ve made plans to catch the bus.
So now I’m at square one again because when I called to reschedule the interview I was told that he would call me if he was still interested. I’m not going to wait on your non existant call for a minimum wage job. It isn’t that serious.
So now I’m back in the job pool again searching for another opportunity. I won’t ask my sister for any more favors and I won’t be doing anything for her either. I’ve been buying her stuff since I got back to Ohio and I couldn’t even get a ride.
16 days till Florida…
No Remarks |I can’t believe I have only a little over 2 weeks before it’s time to move. I have to pick the Uhaul up on the 29th so I can have everything packed by the 30th. I can then do my walk through after taking pictures with Hilltop so they can’t say a thing when it’s time to return my security deposit.
I already got my new address and the directions for driving there…17 hours of driving…man.
I was staying with my Mom for maybe a week and a half and that did not work out at all so I went back home. It is unbearable to live with her. All she does is bitch. It’s like I can’t please her no matter what I do and she starts stuff with me daily. All I have to do is walk through the door and here she goes running her mouth, pushing every button. Complaining about anything and everything I do, telling me how stupid she thinks I am for moving to Florida, or making comments about Jeremy. I don’t need to hear all that negative shit before I move.
She has never in my life encouraged me in any of my dreams. She can tell me how “stupid” or “wrong” I am, but if I am doing something right or trying to make a change for the better no encouragement. She didn’t even come to my graduation when I finished school as a MA. No one did, not even my Dad.
I couldn’t take anymore of her negative comments so I told her that for her to be going to church and singing in the choir she is one of the most negative people I have ever met. That’s why I don’t care for “church” people. They are so fake! My Dad is a so-called Muslim whom prays 5 times a day, but he is far from humble. Muslim people are suppose to be humble, but he is bitter and selfish. All that praying isn’t doing anything.
I went there today to get the boys so we can get pictures and even in that little bit of time she found time to make yet another negative comment. Those comments will not get me to stay here. All they do is give me more ambition to leave.
For the last week I have argued with her daily. Neene told me how she protects Malcolm and makes her do everything, but my Mom said Malcolm does things around the house. I was there for almost 2 weeks and from what I observed Neene was basically a maid, while my Mom like worshiped the ground Malcolm walked on. She takes him to football practice, picks him up, cleaned out his pet turtles tank, takes the turtle outside, and lets Malcolm sleep all day while Neene and I do everything around the house. If she asks Malcolm to do something he will wait until he is ready to do it. He talks back to her and she has to asks him several times before he does stuff for her. (more…)