Argghhhh!!!
No Remarks |My life has been going through the changes lately. Somethings good and others not so great. At this point I’ve been trying to keep my focus on the positive things in my life because that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes I just look at my son’s and smile. My son’s are what I draw my joy from… they are everything to me because they are so innocent and special and I have unconditional love for them. Even after the storm my sons will always be there and that’s what it’s all about: THEM.
This morning I woke up irritated to the fact that my Mom was complaining about my case worker calling and saying Jea’neene and I have to go downtown. She kept saying if it wasn’t for me asking for cash assistance then we wouldn’t have to go. As I overheard this I thought to myself. What the FUCK does that have to do with Jea’neene? That is my fucking business! I have bills that need to be paid and I do need money so I can buy things that I need! I need a winter coat and so does my sons! We need clothes and boots, etc. I don’t have no one paying my car note or cell phone bill in fact I can’t even use anyones car to go to work so I have to find my own way! Then my Mom wants to argue with me because she doesn’t agree with me bartending. I don’t care how anyone feels about what I’m doing. This is my decision and I’m doing it for my sons so we can have something. Do you see why I moved over a thousand miles away???!!!
About 15 minutes later my sister storms downstairs complaining about her cell phone being off and how they owe Verizon $316. My mom gives her the money and tells her that she’s just going to have to pay the car note (to the car Jea’neene drives) late. She then complains about how she’s not going to put her name on anyone elses stuff and complains about how Jea’neene doesn’t help pay the car note. I just looked at the whole situation in total disgust. About 4 years ago my mom wouldn’t even help me out when I needed a car and I had a son to look after, plus I had the means to pay the car note, but she told me no and told Jea’neene yes about a year later. Ask yourself this question:
“Is there something wrong with this picture I’ve just painted you?”
I don’t even give a damn no more! It is what it is. It’s not going to ever change and like always I will have to do everything for myself. I’ve accepted the fact that they will always be unfair assholes so I won’t even stress about it anymore. I will have to get my own car on my own, my own cell phone on my own, and my own place on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again!
Today Really Sucked
No Remarks |Today sucked so bad…
I hate when I don’t accomplish anything.
I was on my way out the door to work and the lady from child support called me about a modification order. I had to call my job and tell them I was going to be late. I then got back on the phone with her and she told me she’d call me back in 10 minutes. After an hour I called her back with still nothing accomplished.
Thanks to her I missed work.
I hate the way today went.
When Will I get a Break?
No Remarks |Today was a very ugly, uncomfortable day. It rained all day long. I woke up to crashing sounds of thunder and lightning, along with heavy rain.
This morning I had to go to my son’s pediatrician to pick up his shot record so I could finish enrolling him in school. I then had to drop the copy off at his soon-to-be “first” school and get a packet of everything needed before school starts. It sucked so bad because despite the fact I had an umbrella my dress pants were sticking to my legs because they were wet and my shirt was wet from all the rain. Ugh!
When I got to work I read over my Trainee Report evaluation and they wrote it up like I was this person that is just unreliable and never comes to work! Had they forgotten that I was 9 months pregnant and I have weekly doctor visits along with the weekly therapy appointments that BWC has me attending? Both are important and can’t be missed. They claimed that “they never know when I am going to show up.”
My doctor visits are for the wellbeing of me and my unborn child and the therapy visits are to ensure that I am doing what is needed to continue to receive BWC payments and to recover from my injury.
What am I suppose to do? Every appointment I have ever had I have emailed them so they would know when I will be in and everything is excused.
I explained to Linda and my Case Worker that being that I am in the 9th month of my pregnancy this is common pregnancy protocol to attend the doctor weekly. If I am in pain I WILL leave and I will not cancel my appointments just to be there. I told her if this was really a real job I would be on maternity leave right now and my attendance would not be an issue. I’m not going to put that place over the health of my baby.
It’s just so unfair. I can’t get a damn break. I work so hard and I come there whenever I can. I even come after my doctor visits so I won’t be absent and it still isn’t good enough. I am stretching myself to the limit, with this training, my pregnancy, trying to prepare to move, and getting Elijah ready to start school. When will I get a break? When?!
Do people whom work hard ever get what they worked for?
The MCO claimed if my attendance doesn’t improve they will have to enforce an attendance plan and if I fail to meet the requirements of the plan my case could be closed. Just any reason to make things more difficult than they already are. Any way to try to slow down my progress of moving to Florida.
When will it all stop?
SSDD…Again
No Remarks |So much stuff has happened since yesterday and none of it is good. Jeremy calls and asks me to get dressed up so he can take me out and pick a place to go to. He also asked for Destin. I guess forget about Elijah huh? Then he comes to get Destin to take him to get pictures. So I went to the mall and bought a nice dress with some accessories to go with it. Matching earrings, necklaces etc. I made a reservation at a upscale restuarant Downtown and got my hair done. He comes to get Destin and I was of coarse still upset about him abandoning me and the kids the other night again for the 4th time. I didn’t say much to him, but he could tell I was upset.
So around 7:30pm my sister calls me to say that he wants me to reschedule the reservation to a later time. I was fine with that, but I was still upset about him abandoning us. Taking me out is not going to fix it. So when I spoke to him on the phone about what he did and how unfair it is to me and the kids he acts like I am wrong for feeling the way I do and says he’s going to keep Destin for the weekend since I have an attitude and forget about going out. If I have to ignore my feelings to go out with him then I will never go out with him.
What am I suppose to do? Keep my feelings bottled up and not say anything to him at all about how him going MIA makes me feel? I got dressed up and spent all this money on these clothes, got my hair done just for him to dog me for being upset. It’s so unfair. Then he leaves me voicemails stating he is wrong but then he’d start justifying his reasons and bringing up Elijah’s Dad, Brian and Anthony.
Wait a minute…what does Chris have to do with him disappearing? The last time I checked I was with Jeremy not Chris. And bringing up Anthony who can careless about our problems or even Brian whom lives in L.A . is really stupid. What about when he was talking to some brad on the phone that his Mom’s friend wanted him to talk to because we were having relationship problems? I never talked to Brian to start a new relationship, but a friendship if any.
He calls me again and I asked him to bring Destin back home close to tears. I’m so tired of the stress and being treated like shit and he has to nerve to tell me no. I can’t believe he thought he had the right! He hasn’t been here listening to Destin screaming and crying, feeding him, bathing him, changing him and playing with him. I have not him! So I called the police and told them the situation. He ended up bringing back Destin and getting the rest of his mess out my apartment. Good riddens! While I was waiting for him to bring Destin back he sends me text messages like it’s funny to him. He doesn’t care how I feel or how the things he does affects me or the baby I’m carrying. It’s all fun and games to him, but he doesn’t realize he’s the big joke.
So I called my friends and vented to them trying to get some kind of comfort and Tenisha and I went to Bahama Breeze to eat because again I was really depressed and stressed out. I wish I wasn’t pregnant so I could’ve gotten a drink. I could really use one.
I couldn’t really settle done last night at all either because my mind was racing with all the lies he’s told on me and the horrible things he’s put me through. I just laid there tossing and turning. I probably got an hour of sleep and I haven’t been eating well at all because of the stress. Yesterday I’m shocked I actually ate three meals! The day before all I had was pretzel sticks and a bowl of rice for dinner. I know this isn’t healthy for me or my baby so I prayed for God to deliver me from the emotional bondage of Jeremy. I need to be free of him so I can focus on my kids, myself, God and my future.
Then he text messages me later this morning with some more bullshit text’s. Why even bother…he claimed we weren’t together on the voicemails yesterday and how he was going to go back to being like he was when he lived down south and all this mess. I honestly don’t care anymore. He only wants to be with me when it’s convenient for him. I didn’t respond to any of the texts. It’s not worth it…what’s the point when he can’t respect my feelings? It’s useless so I’ll just delete them and ignore him. There’s no point in talking to someone whom stresses me out this much.
Tonight My friend Kim is setting me up with someone so I’m going to enjoy this mystery guy for the night and not think about Jeremy.
An Action Packed Day
No Remarks |Today has been quite a day…
I went to the mall and bought me a ponytail and an Icee. I saw my sister at the mall and talked to her for a while and then I talked to my Mom at JCPenny’s and helped her pick out some shoes. While I was helping her a guy that worked in the shoe department kept talking to me, and kept coming back and talking more. After helping my mom I went home and Jeremy still hadn’t showed up or called. I tried calling him, but the phone continued to go to the voicemail. When I got in the house I typed up an eviction notice to give to him. Then Brian called my cell phone because I gave him my number and asked me was I ok because he read myﾃつ blog.ﾃつ I told him no and then he told me he’ll call me later when he got a better phone.
When he did call me back I talked to him for hours andﾃつ he asked me to tell him everything so I did. He was very upset when he found out I almost died because of Jeremy’s foolishness. He said I need to stop putting my life in danger for Jeremy and told me about a friend heﾃつ knew 2 years agoﾃつ who died from an eptopic pregnancy because the doctors didn’t catch it in time and she bled to death. I felt terrible because that could have been me. That’s why I can’t forgive Jeremy for cheating on me after he put me through that.
Later I went to James’ house and picked him so we can see if we could find Jeremy to give him the eviction notice and he was nowhere to be found. I won’t look for him anymore because he’s not worth the time or trouble. I tried calling him again and this time the phone actually rang and he refused to answer the phone I called him three more times and he did not answer so…I sent him a text message asking him to come get his things. During this whole incident James and I were almost killed. If it wasn’t for Jeremy our lives would have never been at stake because we would’ve never been out looking for him if he was treatingﾃつ me and the kidsﾃつ right.
James and I were driving down Loganberry and an SUV drove up behind us with bright lights on and tail ended us. I could not see at all because the lights blinded me so I started driving really slow. When we reached the corner I stopped and got out the car and asked the driver would he turn his lights down because I could not see. I proceeded back to the car and the driver said “What you mad?” and jumped out the car when he realized I was a girl and tried to intimidate me. I thought it was so funny because when he thought I was a guy he didn’t say anything. I asked him again to turn the lights down.ﾃつ He then threatened to beat me up and refused to turn the lights down, so I asked him to drive around me so I could see and he continued to threaten me. I then told him there was another person in the car so he would know I was not alone. When I said that he claimed he had a gun, and went into the car to get something. He then began to taunt me as ifﾃつ he had the gun in his pants and threatened to shoot both me and James.ﾃつ I continued to stand my ground because I fear NO ONE BUT GOD.ﾃつ I asked him to go around again and he threatened me again and I said I was calling the police. When I said that he ran to his car and almost hit me trying to leave. Instead of hitting me he hit my car door and was stuck by my door. So I said let me get his license plate and he yelled “Get the fucking plates I don’t care!” I walked behind my car while he was stuck and memorized the plates screaming to James to get a pen while constantly repeating the plates.ﾃつ The man backed up off my car door and drove off in a panic. BUT…I got the plates…and called the police. The police came and I made a police report and we gave them the license plates…which of course were the right license plates to the black Land Rover he was driving. (HA!) James andﾃつ I told the Policeﾃつ everything and that we feared for our lives and he almost hit me. I also told them I was four months pregnant and wrote everything in the report including a description of him. They asked me if I wanted to press charges for Aggervated Menancing and I said “YES”. I hope that bitch goes to jail.
That’s how my day went stressful and full of drama. Now me and James are here at my house hanging out at 4am in the morning.
By the way James wrote this post today while I narrated it…I just edited it a bit.