30 Days
No Remarks |I’ve set a goal of 30 days to move out. I’ve had enough!
If I can get 2 more days at the bar or make at least $200 in tips on the 2 nights I do work I will be okay to move out because that will be $400 a week and $1600 a month. I can’t take anymore of the nonsense here!
I’m tired of feeling like the “outcast” and being picked on. I do not like living in a situation where I feel like everyone is against me and has formed their own cliche. Sometimes they even act like I don’t even exist. Or I receive comments from my Mom with negative energy input into them like she’s trying to draw me into and argument with her and when I refuse to respond then here she goes. It’s like a no win situation. I haven’t done anything to anyone and no matter how much I try I’m still the one that get’s picked on about every little thing. These people act so nasty towards me without any given reason. I come to the library to get peace even if it’s for a few hours because I’m tired of the hostile enviroment.
Home is supposed to be a place to retire from all the chaos that you run into while your out. Your suppose to find peace at home. Home is supposed to be the place that you can relax, wind down, and be at peace. It’s not suppose to be like this. Anytime I lived on my own [without Jeremy], I had peace at home. My son’s can be a handful, but they don’t ever cause me to feel uneasy.
I’m making it my business to be out of this hell hole by December!
Argghhhh!!!
No Remarks |My life has been going through the changes lately. Somethings good and others not so great. At this point I’ve been trying to keep my focus on the positive things in my life because that’s what keeps me going. Sometimes I just look at my son’s and smile. My son’s are what I draw my joy from… they are everything to me because they are so innocent and special and I have unconditional love for them. Even after the storm my sons will always be there and that’s what it’s all about: THEM.
This morning I woke up irritated to the fact that my Mom was complaining about my case worker calling and saying Jea’neene and I have to go downtown. She kept saying if it wasn’t for me asking for cash assistance then we wouldn’t have to go. As I overheard this I thought to myself. What the FUCK does that have to do with Jea’neene? That is my fucking business! I have bills that need to be paid and I do need money so I can buy things that I need! I need a winter coat and so does my sons! We need clothes and boots, etc. I don’t have no one paying my car note or cell phone bill in fact I can’t even use anyones car to go to work so I have to find my own way! Then my Mom wants to argue with me because she doesn’t agree with me bartending. I don’t care how anyone feels about what I’m doing. This is my decision and I’m doing it for my sons so we can have something. Do you see why I moved over a thousand miles away???!!!
About 15 minutes later my sister storms downstairs complaining about her cell phone being off and how they owe Verizon $316. My mom gives her the money and tells her that she’s just going to have to pay the car note (to the car Jea’neene drives) late. She then complains about how she’s not going to put her name on anyone elses stuff and complains about how Jea’neene doesn’t help pay the car note. I just looked at the whole situation in total disgust. About 4 years ago my mom wouldn’t even help me out when I needed a car and I had a son to look after, plus I had the means to pay the car note, but she told me no and told Jea’neene yes about a year later. Ask yourself this question:
“Is there something wrong with this picture I’ve just painted you?”
I don’t even give a damn no more! It is what it is. It’s not going to ever change and like always I will have to do everything for myself. I’ve accepted the fact that they will always be unfair assholes so I won’t even stress about it anymore. I will have to get my own car on my own, my own cell phone on my own, and my own place on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again!
Protected: Forever Unappreciated
No Remarks |Stupid
No Remarks |So like I said in an earlier post…I’m forced to seek government assistance until I can locate a job. I got a letter on Saturday asking for me to submit documents to them by 10/22 and to call today for a phone interview.
I called the number they gave and it was busy. I called 5 more times and it was busy. I called again and the phone rung and rung until the operator disconnected the call. I called probably 10 more times and I either received a busy signal, or your call did not go through message, or the phone rung and rung until the call was disconnected.
What kind of shit is that? Why tell me to call for a phone interview when no one is going to ever answer? So I got all the documents they asked for made copies and sent them to the address by certified mail. I’m also going to take a trip up there to prove that I did in fact call.
I also called an 800 number for help and when I finally got put through the operator said “We are experiencing very high call volume. Please try you call at a later time.” And then my call was disconnected.
It’s really starting to suck here. I hate having to go through this dumb shit!
I HATE you!
No Remarks |I’m starting to develop a total hatred for my car.
Today I got in my car to visit the mall and the damn thing didn’t even start up. Turns out the battery was dead so I had to pay $50 for a new battery and $80 for some high priced mechanic to put it in my car! That’s another $130 on that damn car!
How many fucking times do I have to fix that car?!
I can’t wait until I get a job so I can get a new car. I can’t keep fixing that damn car over and over again.